This week, I discussed how to stay friends after the friends with benefits relationship ends. Now I’m focusing on how to keep the benefits, AKA, how to have a successful friends with benefits relationship.
First, as with any relationship, and you’re gonna hate me for saying this but, YOU GOTTA HAVE “THE TALK”. Both parties need to know exactly what’s up. It doesn’t have to be a long and serious talk; a general “Hey, so this is what I’m thinking, how about you?” sort of talk will work.
Then, you have to let your expectations align with what you discussed. Do not expect a relationship if it was made perfectly clear that this will not lead to that.
And that’s the hardest part about friends with benefits relationships and where they go awry: people tend to catch feelings, and rarely is it at the same time. Not many true FWB situations turn into a Barney and Robin relationship. (Really old How I Met Your Mother spoiler, sorry). Most of the time, the friendship and the FWB relationship is destroyed.
So in order to keep the benefits going, you have to know what to expect, and what not to expect. If you think you can handle this type of relationship, and you’re both consenting adults, go for it. If you think there’s even the slightest chance you’ll develop deeper feelings, this is not for you. Don’t lie to yourself.
Don’t make the mistake of referring to your friend with benefits as your boyfriend or girlfriend. You may say that because it’s easier to explain, but it’s very confusing.
You want to keep things light and fun. That’s what the relationship should be about: fun.
Photo: Nina Leen via LIFE photo archives hosted by Google.
Maybe this is an unpopular opinion. Maybe this is because I’m not a fan of posed photography unless it’s silly or satirical. Or, maybe, and most likely, it’s because I am an unromantic humbuggy.
But, I just…I can’t get on board with engagement photos.
The older I get, the more friends I see tie the knot, spending so much money of things like calligraphy, mini cupcakes, “vintage” photo frames, and lights. All those teeny tiny little romantical strings of light. And it’s all mega beautiful, and also beaucoup bucks.
I think everyone should have whatever wedding their little princess heart desires, but the realist in me can’t ignore the exorbitant cost of all the pretty things. Are engagement photos really a necessity? What do you guys think? Do you at least agree with have to do away with the white top and jeans combo at the beach look?
Let’s have a discussion in the comments.
So, you did it. You had sex (or some form of sex) with your friend. You’re bangin’ buddies, now. Friends with benefits. Special friends. That whole thing.
But for whatever reason, it’s over now. And you wanna stay friends with your friend. Can you do that? Is it possible?
Yes, you can, and yes, it is. I have some suggestions.
Pretty soon, we won’t have JP to kick around anymore. But until then, we have the reunion, in which pots will call kettles black and those kettles will respond, “I do not know this phrase, ‘Here for the wrong reasons.’ Okay?” And someone will give little Davy Hutchinson a few pebbles, and others will say it’s not right or fair.
You know what, though? ABC did an atrocious job screening JP as a candidate for this show. And not being able to speak English does not excuse his views on homosexuality, the boorish treatment of several of these women, and, the greatest crime of all, being here not for love, but for fame.
BUT FIRST! We catch up with Sean and Catherine following their wedding and, more importantly, wedding night. It’s a big old spoonful of Ew Gross.
Following this, in a promotion for Muppets: Most Wanted, Chris Harrison catches up with Miss Piggy and Kermit, who are apparently getting married in March. JP shows up. Also, Miss Piggy and Kermit were married in 1984 by Ed Koch, and that’s quite enough already.
Also, the original theatrical poster looks JUST like The Day of the Locust.
Most of us have little patience. We want everything right now, especially when it comes to new love. We spend hours thinking everything through and planning how it could play out, sometimes to the point where we’ve mentally visualized the entire relationship and breaking up, before the first date. It’s crazy, but somewhat understandable. We’re all crazy busy conducting our day-to-day lives and it’s a challenge to exhale and allow a new relationship to grow organically. Regardless of your sex, here are a few tips, Guy’s Guy style, for making the best of a new romantic connection.
Be a Buddhist – What? One of the tenants for successfully practicing Buddhism is a lack of desire. Of course you are attracted to the person you’re out with, but on the first few dates try focusing on the journey and not the outcome. You may find that the simple act of sharing the company of someone new and your initial experiences are rewarding without the weight of expectations. Just have a good time and get to know your partner. That’s it, but it’s not as easy as it sounds unless you commit to it beforehand. Leave your baggage and expectations behind and just…be.
Hey ladies, yeah, I’m talking to you. So listen up… we all know how to hide. We all know how to throw our hair back in a messy bun or a ponytail, throw on an oversized sweatshirt and baggy sweat pants and hope that the world doesn’t notice us. We all know how to be quiet and blend in, solely to get stuff done. But what many of us women don’t know is how to do the opposite: we don’t know how to shine.
You know those girls. Perhaps you knew her in high school, or college, or she works with you. You might even be her… The girl who lights up a room when she enters it. A girl who, no matter what she’s wearing or what she does to hide or blend in, never really does. Her presence is always felt and her aura is luminous. Why? Because she exudes confidence.
I thought for a really long time about what confidence is and where it comes from. The dictionary defines confidence, specifically self-confidence, as the “belief in oneself and one’s powers or abilities.” I think this definition says a lot. Confidence is not just the belief in your physical appearance or belief in your mental capabilities. It is the trust you have in yourself because you know where you excel.
None of us want to admit that we’d dress to impress our ex, but many of us would. It makes sense. You’ve been with someone for a year (or however long, or even short) and you’ve shared things and done things and showed glimpses of your soul and now they’re suddenly straight-up Gotye (just somebody that you used to know). But you see on that Facebook invite they clicked “going” and you’re “going” and you’re sure as hell not gonna wear sweatpants.
Look, it doesn’t make you less of a feminist if you want to look nice/hot/pleasing to the eye for your ex. It’s not like you’re trying to get your ex back, you just want them to know that you’re doing fine without them, nay – smashing.
Here’s how to dress to impress your ex.
…feeling happy, and feeling young?
With so many lists and quizzes online, sometimes it’s hard to tell if what you’re reading is yet another list. I’ve got 10 ways to help you figure it out.
10.) Every point in the article is numbered.
9.) There are funny GIFs that try to relate to the point the article is making…
8.) …but some of them make no sense.
I am just running out of things with this season.
Nikki, Kansas City, MO: Blind acceptance.
Naturally, she is just so excited. The adjectives fly as they describe each other. They wander around Kansas City, including a stop at the monument where (SPOILER ALERT) Jason Robards dies of radiation poisoning in the television film The Day After.
Nikki is looking forward to seeing “how cowboy JP is.” Me too. Cue cows and JP’s Bubba-in-Forrest-Gump recitation of the varieties of barbeque. This is followed by a visit to a bull-riding bar.
This is everything you think it will be.
The-Gaggle.com is a website that explores modern romance in the Millennial era – which, let’s be honest, looks nothing like we were taught to expect. We feature essays, advice and social commentary with humor, compassion and brains, and we vow never, ever to publish a piece called “The 10 Best Ways to Satisfy Your Man in Bed”. Do click here to submit your work to us. We love you.