Flirting, love and relationships have always been a little confusing (in the most fun of ways!). But with the involvement of countless forms of technology now impacting every little step of the path to love, the etiquette for modern romance has only gotten more ambiguous.
Ever want to just ask a guy what you should do? We gathered three of our male writers from The Gaggle — The Upstanding Gentleman, The Playboy and The Gay Guy — to answer your questions about the new rules of online dating, and specifically how to use technology in this crazy new landscape!
I remember the first time I went online to talk to an object of my affection. The platform was AOL Instant Messenger, I was in ninth grade, and the object in question was a boy a year older than me who was so crush-worthy that I physically couldn’t figure out how to form words in front of him. I went painstakingly out of my way to get a hold of his screen name, and once I did, I messaged him to tell him that I liked his band. All I remember of his response was that it was typed in 10-point orange Comic Sans MS font, and that it quite literally sent me spinning out of my chair and through my house in excitement. I was hooked.
Since then (when I thought it was cool to wear not one, but two, popped collars) I’ve felt many of the same adrenaline rushes upon receiving text messages, Facebook messages, and emails from guys on whom I’ve wasted too many hours thinking about. And I know I’m not alone in my excitement—I have a friend who admits that some Facebook notifications have a tendency to make her heart flutter.
I blame my faith in the power of the digital message on my lifelong obsession with You’ve Got Mail. A resident of the Upper West Side, I’ve curated the perfect “in the steps of Kathleen Kelly” tour of my neighborhood. I’m also somewhat of an introverted old soul and feel a kindred spirit to middle-aged women who wear sweater sets and live by the rules of Pride and Prejudice. You’ve Got Mail introduced the digital sphere as an acceptable means of getting to know someone.
Considering it’s December 9th, I think it’s safe to say we’re officially in the holiday season, which means many people will be attending various parties and family get-togethers to stir up a festive spirit. If you’re looking for a date to these events, have you considered what it would be like to date one of Santa’s elves? Probably not — luckily, the funny ladies over at Crushable did think about it and listed the pros and cons of dating Buddy the Elf. Check it out and decide if he could be your +1 this December.
Sex is an odd activity at times. Many different things can happen as a result of one night filled with good sex. Sometimes they’re good things, sometimes bad, and sometimes they’re just sad. That’s why I am reluctant to call this a One Night Stand story. I just haven’t come to terms with it yet. I’m still sad.
I’ve never been one to fear bad sex. There is no manual. No right or wrong way to do it. Everyone is different and we all have our preferences. The odds of finding someone with identical sexual desires and tastes is nearly impossible.
Recently I slept with a very kind guy. Smart, yet introverted, and not the most socially well adjusted guy. But really, those are my types. I like the guys whose exteriors appear cold or standoffish but who, when you get to know them, are wonderful one on one. The attention they give you is genuine because they don’t know how to be fake.
Saying “I’m sorry” is pretty easy. Truly forgiving someone, though, can be a little trickier.
What the hell Facebook!! Don’t do this to me the week I started looking at apartments to possibly move into with my boyfriend. I can’t take the pressure!!
There was a big song that came out a few years ago called “Finding Out True Love Is Blind.” Remember that? It was a guy doing his best Mick Jagger voice singing about different kinds of girls that he was going to do things to. The summer that came out, I had a goal, comrades. And that goal was to make out with the lead singer of that band. “I can do this,” I thought. “He isn’t even super attractive.”
But I never did. That would have required for me to actually do things, like go to their shows. That’s effort, man.
As someone who entered young adulthood during the Sex and the City era, I’m not ashamed to admit that I love the show. Everytime it’s on, I watch it. It doesn’t matter that I already know every plotline, piece of dialogue and outfit the characters will be wearing in each episode – I am still genuinely entertained. And rightly so, since the show has been cited as a significant step forward for feminism in pop culture. A friend of mine even took a class dedicated to the cultural significance at UC Berkeley – it clearly made an impact on society.
During the show’s six season and two movie run, a variety of female issues were explored through the eyes of four very different, often caricaturized single ladies. We became more than acquainted with shoe hoarding writer Carrie, tell-it-like-it-is lawyer Miranda, sexually promiscuous PR mogul Samantha and traditional aspiring-wife Charlotte. It’s safe to say that most of us millennial females have heard it, asked it or thought it at least once: Which SATC character am I? But to my shock and disgust, most would like to be identified as “a Carrie.”
It’s time to abolish plastic red cups, ladies. It’s time to have adult parties. I don’t mean like XXX ADULT parties. I mean, here’s how to have a grown-up party. One that contains zero keg stands but still gallons of fun!
Get proper glassware.
You can buy martini glasses at the 99 Cent Store. It’s worth it. Not only do you look classy, but if someone drops one, you’re only out $1.00 plus whatever tax is. If you really don’t want to use real glasses, then at least use nice fake plastic glassware. NO RED CUPS. NO RED CUPS EVER. We’re adults now.
Make sure you have food.
It can be a bowl of popcorn and a plate of fruit if you don’t feel like cooking. But those who provide booze for their guests are wise to provide food as well. It’s being a smart (and kind!) host. Speaking of booze…
As single people get older, sometimes our choices about who we will or won’t date are questioned. We’re told to keep dealbreakers to a minimum and to be open-minded and realistic, and that’s all fine, but what if you have good reasons for the choices you make? Alana over at xoJane tells us exactly why she doesn’t want to date much older men (unless it’s George Clooney).
You want to have a romantic date. Who doesn’t right? There’s nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with wanting one of those nights that feels like a Disney film starring Audrey Hepburn. But the thing is, you don’t want it to be fussy. You don’t want it to seem like you tried to hard. So what do you do? You follow these tips for how to have a romantic non fussy date.
You want to barely plan. You want an idea, a time, and a place. And that’s it. To some people that sounds like too much; to others, too little. All you need is a time to meet up and a place and an idea of what you’ll do as soon as you see each other. So let’s say you want to meet at the Griffith Observatory. Boom, there’s your place. Now pick a time. Now decide what you’ll do when you’ll get there. “I thought we’d first take a look at the Leonard Nimoy section” — boom, there’s your idea. That’s all you need. Don’t worry about what happens after that. Boom. I like saying “boom.”
The-Gaggle.com is a website that explores modern romance in the Millennial era – which, let’s be honest, looks nothing like we were taught to expect. We feature essays, advice and social commentary with humor, compassion and brains, and we vow never, ever to publish a piece called “The 10 Best Ways to Satisfy Your Man in Bed”. Do click here to submit your work to us. We love you.