If you, like me, have been addicted to the American treasure/horror show that is “Bachelor in Paradise” this summer, you are familiar with this invitation from ABC.
At first glance, this may sound like a tempting offer. Who doesn’t want to find true love? Who doesn’t want to be on television? But I’m here to advise you otherwise. In fact, in order to prove why you shouldn’t go on “The Bachelor,” I’ve run the numbers.
Playboy magazine published a flowchart designed by artist Shea Strauss titled “Should You Catcall Her?” that took the reader on a step-by-step process of whether or not you should catcall a woman (spoilers: you should only catcall her if she’s an actual cat, or if you have in “explicit terms” agreed to shout “sexually suggestive comments” to each other.) It’s a step forward for a magazine that prides itself on objectifying women in every way possible. While there is more work to be done (I mean, what actually goes on in the Playboy mansion), I’m glad they’re taking this first step.
We get right back into the mix. Graham having a mild anxiety attack, Clare looking rather thrilled at the idea, and AshLee standing stalk-still, not indicating any feeling. AshLee doesn’t follow after him, which Clare points out, and I agree. Why wouldn’t she follow him?
“It might not be a good idea to start out a relationship when you’re feeling physically ill about the choices you’re making,” Michelle observes as Graham mops puddles of sweat of himself. Nonetheless, when AshLee asks him to take the rose, he does.
All of this is revealing a lot about both of them, with Graham now on the path to living out Ferris Bueller’s nightmare for Cameron.
“Lacy” can no longer take it and she feels like she is going to throw up, so she runs from the ceremony, with the cameras following her.
Kalon observes, “Everyone loves a good trainwreck.” Sadly, I agree, Kalon.
I’m gonna tell you a story.
It takes place in Earth year 1998. US President Bill Clinton is embroiled in a polarizing national controversy, and so are well-known humans Brandi & Monica. I, your faithful Agent L, am in 8th grade art class sitting next to my nemesis, Eugene.
Eugene didn’t know he was my nemesis. He was too nice to have nemeses. He was nice to everyone, all the time. That was the exact thing about Eugene that made him my nemesis: he was smart, funny, athletic, good at everything and loved by everyone. He was baseball team captain. Science fair finalist 3 years running. Rumors swirled that he had made out with two separate people at two different parties that weekend. Eugene had it all, plus he was one of the special students selected to be in the G.O.A.L. program, which stood for Galaxy of Advanced Learners, for kids who scored higher on aptitude tests, or had some other predisposition toward excellence. To me the name was stupid because I knew that in reality there was no such galaxy. The G.O.A.L. kids got to go to special classes where I assume they learned high-aptitude things, but the rest of us never knew for sure what they were really up to because nobody in G.O.A.L. ever talked about what went on in G.O.A.L. What are they learning that could be so secret and high-aptitude, I wondered, and what makes Eugene qualify but not me?
In a relationship, what’s the worst thing someone could do to you? Lying has to be up there, right? Take that times a million. Twenty-three-year-old Tucker Blandford, from Connecticut, took lying to the extreme when he faked his own death to get out of getting married to his fiance, 23-year-old Alex Lanchester. Yes, you read that correctly – he faked his own death. To get out of marriage. Extreme, no?
How did he pull this off? Not very well. He and Alex are in a long distance relationship (she’s from the UK, he’s from the US), so he simply pretended to be his dad calling Alex to inform her that he had died. What he didn’t count on was Alex calling his mom. Once his mom heard the fake news, she let Alex know that Tucker was perfectly fine.
Here’s how it went down, according to Alex, via Oddity Central:
I picked up my phone and there was a man saying he was Tucker’s dad. He told me Tucker had been deeply depressed and wanted to die, so had thrown himself in front of a car. The man explained that they had been trying to send Tucker off to a psychiatric unit for help. But it was too late. I couldn’t breathe. It was absolutely devastating.
And once she found out the truth?
He has shattered my trust and I’m not sure I’ll ever be in a relationship again. All I ever did was love him. I’m so sick of being messed around and I’m glad to be rid of him. Looking back, maybe I was naive. But I really loved him and never thought he would go to such extreme measures to dump me. I’ve cried until I felt numb but now I’m just really angry.
I don’t think anyone would or could, blame her. What this man did was absolutely insane.
Someone asked me a pretty interesting question last week about this program: “Where is this all going?”
I have no idea. I do not know what the end game is here. Winning this show seems as pyrrhic a victory as the one that guy who saved 36 years of toenails has when crowing to his ex-wife that he finally made the pages of Ripley’s Believe It or Not (I am sure she’s seething with envy). Or that time you read a bunch of Rush Limbaugh’s books in the hopes that you might attract that young Republican that one time in high school.
The point is: I do not have any idea where this is heading.
Before you have the perfect wedding, you have to create the perfect wedding invitation. This usually means getting the colors right, choosing a beautiful yet legible font, and making sure all of the pieces fit nicely inside the envelope. For some brides, however, this isn’t enough; the exterior of the envelope requires just as much attention to detail. Writer Katie Baker cared about those details when planning her own wedding, which led to her discovery of the tiny post office in Bridal Veil, Oregon. She explains:
Each year between March and August, some 150,000 envelopes containing save-the-dates or request-the-honour-of-your-presences are specifically, and even militantly, directed to this particular spot. In a tiny room filled with boxes of envelopes that during high season approach hoarder height, Canzler personally processes every piece of wedding mail, one by one, marking each with a custom postmark and cancellation she designed to honor a place she has long fought to protect.
Read the rest of Baker’s excellent “Love Letters” article at Grantland.
I really didn’t mean to fall in love with my husband. Don’t get me wrong – I was looking for Mr. Right. I just didn’t think the random fling I had when I was 21 would be it.
It all began a couple of Thanksgivings ago while I was escaping my 9-5 job one weekend in Park City, Utah with my best friend Megan, when she informed me that 12 very cute and very single foreign men were renting the house directly across the street from hers. Since it was Turkey Day, we had the perfect excuse to knock on their door and get to know them. Within minutes, I began an intense eye- “love making” session with a dashing Australian guy named Paul.
The next night we decided to all go out. Since I was young and single, I did what any normal American girl would do – I made out with Paul on the dance floor until last call.
And then I went home with him.
The friendzone can do weird things to a person’s state of mind, like making you think the only person who exists is the one who doesn’t want you back. But you know? That’s total nonsense, and you can overcome that way of thinking.
Well, it’s a new day and a new study about subjective topics like moving in with your partner! The Atlantic reported a very long article called, “In Relationships, Be Deliberate.” The title should be a dead giveaway that statistics aside, this is kind of common sense. Of course you should be deliberate in your relationships. I think most people would agree that it’s pretty important to be deliberate in most aspects of your life. Who wants to deal with a wishy-washy person?
But this isolated article just deals with moving in together. It opens by reiterating that even though traditionalists say moving in together before marriage is a bad idea, progressives are making it the norm. But it’s not actually question of whether or not they should move in.
But before couples sign a lease together, they would do well to ask themselves: Did we slide into the decision to move in together or did we decide to cohabit?
That question matters in terms of the length and quality of subsequent marriage. Traditionalists tend to think cohabiting before marriage is a bad idea, and progressives are more likely to embrace it, but new research says that’s not the best way to approach the question: The important thing is how couples make the leap into a shared life.
Does anyone else find this to be the most nuanced, yet obvious study about relationships?
Yes, relationships can be hard work, but I think we forget that at the core of our relationships should be fun, otherwise, why else do it? It can’t be all complications and pathos. So here are some ways to have fun in a relationship, because it’s so important, and it’s easy to forget.
It could be that new restaurant you’ve always wanted to check out, or maybe your partner’s never been to Disneyland — if it’s new to either of you, give it a shot! Doing new things can be exciting and can make for many new adventures and memories. And don’t be afraid to get out of your comfort zone. Maybe you can try a class together — like cooking, or improv. Whatever it is, explore it together.
The-Gaggle.com is a website that explores modern romance in the Millennial era – which, let’s be honest, looks nothing like we were taught to expect. We feature essays, advice and social commentary with humor, compassion and brains, and we vow never, ever to publish a piece called “The 10 Best Ways to Satisfy Your Man in Bed”. Do click here to submit your work to us. We love you.