What the hell Facebook!! Don’t do this to me the week I started looking at apartments to possibly move into with my boyfriend. I can’t take the pressure!!
There was a big song that came out a few years ago called “Finding Out True Love Is Blind.” Remember that? It was a guy doing his best Mick Jagger voice singing about different kinds of girls that he was going to do things to. The summer that came out, I had a goal, comrades. And that goal was to make out with the lead singer of that band. “I can do this,” I thought. “He isn’t even super attractive.”
But I never did. That would have required for me to actually do things, like go to their shows. That’s effort, man.
As someone who entered young adulthood during the Sex and the City era, I’m not ashamed to admit that I love the show. Everytime it’s on, I watch it. It doesn’t matter that I already know every plotline, piece of dialogue and outfit the characters will be wearing in each episode – I am still genuinely entertained. And rightly so, since the show has been cited as a significant step forward for feminism in pop culture. A friend of mine even took a class dedicated to the cultural significance at UC Berkeley – it clearly made an impact on society.
During the show’s six season and two movie run, a variety of female issues were explored through the eyes of four very different, often caricaturized single ladies. We became more than acquainted with shoe hoarding writer Carrie, tell-it-like-it-is lawyer Miranda, sexually promiscuous PR mogul Samantha and traditional aspiring-wife Charlotte. It’s safe to say that most of us millennial females have heard it, asked it or thought it at least once: Which SATC character am I? But to my shock and disgust, most would like to be identified as “a Carrie.”
It’s time to abolish plastic red cups, ladies. It’s time to have adult parties. I don’t mean like XXX ADULT parties. I mean, here’s how to have a grown-up party. One that contains zero keg stands but still gallons of fun!
Get proper glassware.
You can buy martini glasses at the 99 Cent Store. It’s worth it. Not only do you look classy, but if someone drops one, you’re only out $1.00 plus whatever tax is. If you really don’t want to use real glasses, then at least use nice fake plastic glassware. NO RED CUPS. NO RED CUPS EVER. We’re adults now.
Make sure you have food.
It can be a bowl of popcorn and a plate of fruit if you don’t feel like cooking. But those who provide booze for their guests are wise to provide food as well. It’s being a smart (and kind!) host. Speaking of booze…
As single people get older, sometimes our choices about who we will or won’t date are questioned. We’re told to keep dealbreakers to a minimum and to be open-minded and realistic, and that’s all fine, but what if you have good reasons for the choices you make? Alana over at xoJane tells us exactly why she doesn’t want to date much older men (unless it’s George Clooney).
You want to have a romantic date. Who doesn’t right? There’s nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with wanting one of those nights that feels like a Disney film starring Audrey Hepburn. But the thing is, you don’t want it to be fussy. You don’t want it to seem like you tried to hard. So what do you do? You follow these tips for how to have a romantic non fussy date.
You want to barely plan. You want an idea, a time, and a place. And that’s it. To some people that sounds like too much; to others, too little. All you need is a time to meet up and a place and an idea of what you’ll do as soon as you see each other. So let’s say you want to meet at the Griffith Observatory. Boom, there’s your place. Now pick a time. Now decide what you’ll do when you’ll get there. “I thought we’d first take a look at the Leonard Nimoy section” — boom, there’s your idea. That’s all you need. Don’t worry about what happens after that. Boom. I like saying “boom.”
It’s a trend nowadays: men bitch and complain (which is really chauvinistic and immature and terrible) about needing to avoid the “friend zone.” I hate the concept, and I think men should shut the fuck up, but I do agree that in essence, it exists. There are men whom I know very well, who I’m sure would love to sleep with me, and who I find very attractive, that I do not want to have sex with. I probably will never want to have sex with them. I’ll concede that a way of conveying that, a way of saying that there are attractive men out there who I don’t want to sleep with (because sorry my entire existence doesn’t depend on sex and getting the sex) would be called a friend zone as in, I am your friend and want to continue to be such. Like a no parking zone, except not cars but men and not parking but sex!
Now that you are divorced or otherwise single, what are you looking for?
You’ve probably been asked that question, or a variation of it, many times, and it’s not always easy to pin down an answer. Most of us can readily identify what we don’t want, but putting a finger on exactly what we’re looking for in a partner and/or a relationship is often a difficult task.
As a relationship expert, I’ve found that many of our wants come from things that we’ve experienced in past relationships, or from things we’ve not experienced but would like to. We hold on to pieces of past relationships that we perceive as “good,” and we tend to drag that baggage into new relationships.
But this type of behavior raises a very important question: Is this fair?
The answer is: not really. It is very important to enter into each new relationship with no preconceived ideas. Try to leave behind your past, and look at the new man in your life with fresh eyes and an open heart. But, that does not mean that you should walk in with heart in your hands, ready to commit.
Below are three questions that you should ask yourself as you’re preparing to start dating again.
It’s understandable why this text was submitted for translation: It’s riddled with mixed messages. But, as the astute Jack Berger once said in Sex and the City, season 6, “There are no mixed messages.”
And, he’s right. It’s been my experience that if a guy likes you, REALLY likes you, he’s going to go full Lloyd Dobler and hold a boom box over his head blaring Peter Gabriel right outside your window. Ok, that would feel a little anachronous, and ever trite if it actually happened. But, at the end of the day, if a dude likes you a lot, and thinks he could marry you, he’s going to do everything in his power to prevent you from moving on.
I don’t doubt that this suitor likes this girl. I don’t doubt that he misses her and, maybe in a fleeting moment, envisioned a walk down the aisle. But, this text makes one thing clear: he’s just not that into her, or the idea of her. There’s nothing really to translate, other than she needs to do what he suggests and on move. Only, she should never, ever look back. The end.
Lena Dunham is big business. Just her name evokes the strongest of human reactions. The IMDB message boards, a place where good comments go to die and bad comments grow to Voldemort proportions, has called her basically every kind of farm animal in existence. Some choice comments:
The-Gaggle.com is a website that explores modern romance in the Millennial era – which, let’s be honest, looks nothing like we were taught to expect. We feature essays, advice and social commentary with humor, compassion and brains, and we vow never, ever to publish a piece called “The 10 Best Ways to Satisfy Your Man in Bed”. Do click here to submit your work to us. We love you.